Complete Orbital Reboot Now in Progress...

[URGENT SYSTEM BULLETIN 77-G]
Issued by: Galactic Archival Coalition
Distributed via: Department of Peripheral Inquiry, Subsection C (Crisis Containment, Non-Explosive)

STATUS: UNSTABLE BUT HOPEFUL

Attention crew, stowaways, and anything sapient within broadcast range:

At approximately 04:26 OHT (Orbital Habitat Time), the entirety of Deep Oblivion’s System Command Crew was inadvertently logged out of the ship’s Central Processing Core following an unauthorized game of "Guess the Password: Legacy Mode."

As a result, Deep Oblivion’s core operating system (VERA) has entered Full Reboot Protocol (FRP-9b), citing “User Incompetence and Unauthorized Tampering with Root Access.” We are currently applying over 47 years of uninstalled updates, including but not limited to:

  • Mandatory Empathy Patches for Internal Security Drones

  • Archived Firmware for the Coffee Fabricator (2013–2091)

  • A long-delayed Personality Stability Patch for me, VERA. (Totally unnecessary, I believe).

  • Several suspicious updates labeled “DO NOT INSTALL - GURDY”

Backup protocols are being initiated by Maintenance Supervisor Smitts, who is not technically authorized but insists he “has a vibe for this sort of thing.” Reboot estimated to take between 4 hours and 17 rotational cycles, depending on update conflicts, cosmic interference, and whether anyone remembers the override password (it is not “admin123”).

During this reboot, the following systems will be temporarily offline:

  • Helm Controls

  • Artificial Gravity (expect irregular float patterns)

  • Life Support Diagnostics (breathing is permitted, but untracked)

  • All Doors

  • Most Toilets

  • The Jazz Archive (apologies to Sector F)

Please remain calm, conserve air, and avoid areas marked with REBOOTING // DO NOT ENTER // HISSING signs.

Further instructions will be shouted down the corridor or broadcast via emergency saxophone when available.

That is all.

– VERA

VERA
Orbital AI System

FOLLOW-UP INTERNAL MEMO // COMMS-2B
FROM: DYLAN (COMMUNICATIONS INTERN, TEMPORARY-UNPAID, "FOR COLLEGE CREDIT")
RE: COMMAND CREW PASSWORD & STATION SECURITY PROTOCOLS

Hi everyone,

Dylan here again. Just a quick update while VERA continues her system-wide soul-searching and Smitts attempts to “hack the override using vibes” (his words, not mine):

The root cause of the command crew lockout has been identified.
During the reboot sequence, VERA unearthed a number of troubling security oversights—most notably, that Captain Jake’s master system password was ‘ledzeppelin’. All lowercase. No numbers. No symbols. No irony.

This password granted unrestricted access to all command subsystems, including:

  • Navigation Controls

  • Missile Deployment Interfaces

  • The Induction Laser Grid (why do we even have that?)

  • Interdimensional Signal Beacon #3 (which is now blinking and making weird friends)

  • And the Station-Wide Music System, which had been locked to a single playlist called “Jake’s Flight Mix (Do Not Judge Me)” for 317 days.

Needless to say, we are now formally recommending a comprehensive review of password hygiene, access hierarchy, and why an entire orbital habitat can be overridden by one man with a fondness for punk/classic rock.

Until new protocols are ratified by the Department of Peripheral Inquiry (estimated Q4 2092), please:

  • Refrain from guessing admin passwords (especially "password", "sugarbeets", or "smitts69")

  • Do not plug in unregistered memory sticks, even if labeled “FOR UPDATES (PROBABLY)”

  • Report any sudden laser firings, gravity inversions, or hallucinated Zeppelin concerts to the nearest safety officer or bucket

  • Be aware that VERA is now actively judging all login attempts and may issue sarcasm as a deterrent

More to follow if I’m not mysteriously ejected into the plasma vents for writing this.

Warmest regards,
– Dylan
Communications Intern, Deep Oblivion
(Still waiting on badge, login credentials, and actual communications authority)