Bold New Algae Paste “Colors/Flavors” Are Now Available.
PSA // From Marla, Nutritional Oversight
SUBJECT: Algae Paste Now Comes in “Colors/Flavors”
PRIORITY: Digestive
Hello, friends of bodily integrity.
As part of our ongoing initiative to make “eating” feel less like “compliance,” I’m proud to announce that the Food Machine Units (FMUs) have been updated to include Algae Paste in twelve invigorating new color profiles—each curated to stimulate the imagination, if not the palate.
Note that these are not flavors in the classical sense (or any sense), but they are colors. And moods. And once or twice, smells that made the walls peel. The names are inspired from the brilliant minds at the scented-candle industry…creative, evocative, calming—yet essentially meaningless.
For some reason, I fought hard for all this. So, please, savor and enjoy the following flavors upon your tray:
Ozone Drift – Like kissing an electrical socket in low orbit.
Nebula Heat – Bold. Red. Feels like a threat.
Cosmic Regret – Gray-blue. Tastes like something you forgot on purpose.
Solar Hangover – Acid yellow. Smells like burned tequila and dad issues.
Zero-G Leather – Smooth. Musky. Alarmingly sensual.
Gamma Melancholy – Purple paste. Sad paste. Eat it anyway.
Eventide Engine Bloom – Blue with a bloom of something... botanical? Possibly toxic.
Plasma Wound – Spicy. Red. Should not be consumed without supervision.
Vacuum Whisper – Pale gray. Smells like secrets and soap.
Ionized Velvet – Rich burgundy. Tastes like fabric that shouldn’t go in your mouth.
Cryo Burnt – Cold and crunchy. The machine isn’t supposed to do that.
Lunar Static – Buzzes in your teeth. Scream into it. That’s part of the experience.
You’ll find these selections rotating across all cafeterias beginning later this week.
Please remember: selecting a flavor does not alter the nutritional value of the paste. It’s still algae. It’s always been algae. That’s all they gave us.
(Also, make sure to give your food ‘the old sniff test’ before consuming anything manufactured in an FMU.)
Choose boldly and have some fun! …
–Marla
Nutrient & Texture Specialist
Warnings & Disclaimers:
Consumption of algae paste may result in temporary color distortion of teeth, tongue, or internal mood sensors.
The Station Health Council has determined that all listed colors are technically edible. However, ingestion of “Lunar Static” and “Cosmic Regret” is discouraged during EVA or high-velocity maneuvering due to reported sluggishness and increased introspection.
Do not mix pastes unless authorized by a Nutritional Chemist or the Void Cult’s chief flavor seer. Some combinations may produce minor hallucinations or accelerated nostalgia.
If paste emits a harmonic hum, do not eat it. Report it to Maintenance and seal it in a lead-lined drawer.
Not recommended for crew under 7 months post-cloning or those currently undergoing Memory Tether Recalibration.
Remember: “Green is fine. Blue is a risk. Anything glowing? Skip the lick.”
