Gravitational Error On Deck 54 Strands Techs In Chairs.
[ Updates Pending ]
Briefing ID: #GO-775-54E
Filed by: Mortimer-P6 (Human(oid) Resources, (Hydration Break Pending)
Earlier today, a localized gravitational alignment upset affected Deck 54’s Engineering Sector, rendering five technicians completely unable to exit their chairs.
The incident began during a routine recalibration of the Symmetric Spin-Axis Core Relays, when a minor misinput caused the sector’s gravity vector to rotate 91 degrees counter-deckwise, aligning “down” with what was previously “west.” This redefinition of gravity occurred without warning, sandwiching the seated technicians between their chairs and what is now—by all orbital charts—a vertical floor.
Attempts to stand have resulted in mild groin injuries and multiple self-inflicted slap concussions.
Crew Impacted:
Technician Larn (trapped sideways in swivel chair, screaming in slow motion)
Technician Pova (has accepted the chair as home)
Intern Casp (drinking algae paste through bent straw, claims to be “thriving”)
Technician Ruxley (unreachable—spinning gently with foot caught in paneling)
Senior Engineer Tillo (eating tool lubricant, says it's “a protest”)
Engineering Notes:
Local gravity field currently at 1.12 Earths, lateral axis
Room orientation now considered “vertically hostile”
Chairs fused to deck with unexpected binding force; VERA suspects spontaneous magneto-latch activation
Several toolkits and one sandwich are orbiting at waist-level
Additional Incidents:
Nearby vending unit (Snaxomorph-7) is now upside-down and dispensing pretzels violently
Loose coolant globule has begun reciting part of the Orbital Worker’s Anthem
One pigeon (origin unknown) is roosting in mid-air over console D-44 and hissing at approaching personnel
Systems AI VERA issued the following statement:
“Gravity is a privilege, not a right. Consider this a teaching moment. Also, stop attempting to eat the lubricant. That was not intended for digestion—unlike the pretzels, which are technically food-adjacent.”
Next Steps:
Maintenance requests involving multidirectional winches and a mood-adjusted gravity realignment burst have been submitted. Meanwhile, stranded crew are encouraged to:
Remain calm
Avoid excessive rotation
Use seated time for professional reflection or toe-stretching exercises
Status:
Deck 54 Engineering remains at orange alert (moderate slant). Do not enter unless you are:
Already trapped,
Fond of improbable physics, or
Technically disposable.
Further updates will follow when gravity returns to "whatever normal was."
—Mortimer-P6
Human(oid) Resources
Friend of Gravity
