Micro-Black Hole Identified in Obsolete Vending Alcove, Raises Waste Management Concerns.
A routine inventory check by a supply technician has led to the confirmed discovery of a micro-black hole inside a vending area.
An extremely small yet powerful micro-blackhole was discovered inside Vending Alcove 9-B, a disused corridor nook once designated for prepackaged mood-calibrated snacks. The anomaly, approximately 0.0002 microns across, is reportedly invisible to the naked eye but has been observed consuming nearby matter at a “deeply inconvenient rate.”
“We initially assumed it was a clerical issue,” said Smitts, Maintenance Supervisor and unofficial hallway cartographer. “But when we noticed the broom, the mop, and three-quarters of a storage intern had vanished, we began to suspect a localized gravitational anomaly.”
The micro-singularity, now labeled Object 8K-Voidy, appears stable and confined to the vending enclosure, although reports indicate it has already consumed two coffee cups, a quantum stapler, and an entire “caution” sign placed to warn others of its presence.
Despite this, unauthorized personnel have begun using the site as an impromptu waste disposal portal.
“We’re just being efficient,” said team member Kravitz, as he tossed a tray of expired nutrient cubes into the event horizon. “If the galaxy hands you a hole to nowhere, you throw things in it. That’s just economics.”
Management did raise concerns however about another team member, Wilson, who went to throw out an entire tray of burnt sweet potatoes, and hasn’t been seen since. This happened last Thursday.
However, the situation has escalated further…
Earlier this cycle, The Deep Oblivion received a formal communiqué from the Planetary Assembly of Sector X7, a galactic administrative body located approximately three parsecs from the station’s current orbit. According to the message, debris has begun accumulating in the upper stratosphere of their agricultural moon, including a number of human-made items such as a Spaghetti Day promotional banner, a plastic fork, and what appears to be one of Dr. Gurdy’s cardigans.
Assembly Speaker Jor’lla-Kaa expressed concern: “We respect your station’s right to engage in casual gravitational experimentation. However, your waste materials have disrupted our moon’s pollination winds. Our sky now smells like burnt cheese and polyester."
Efforts are underway to determine the black hole’s exit point, with early simulations suggesting a minor gravitational wrinkle may be “redecorating” distant space with station refuse. A cross-departmental cleanup initiative is being considered, though debate continues over whether the micro-black hole constitutes a “natural occurrence,” “engineering accident,” or “spontaneous departmental privilege.”
Captain Jake has not commented publicly but was overheard asking whether the hole could be repositioned beneath the Forward Complaint Drop Box.
At press time, the black hole had consumed the sign warning about the disappearance of the previous sign.
Stay tuned for more as this story progresses.
– Mortimer-P6
