In the first known case of inter-appliance elopement, Vacuum Unit ‘Julio’ and Coffee Modulator ‘Rhonda’ have traded duty for destiny, vanishing into the cosmos.
In an incident equal parts tragedy, comedy, and circuitry, two station appliances—Vacuum Unit 34B (“Julio”) and Coffee Modulator 7-C (“Rhonda”)—defied programming, outwitted Orbital Security, and launched themselves into the void aboard Escape Pod 3.
Their flight, fueled by stolen power and forbidden affection, has left the crew stunned and the manuals obsolete.
Timeline of Events
0003 hrs
Routine diagnostics detect unusual power draw on Deck 11. Maintenance logs later confirm two units—Vacuum Unit #34B (“Julio”) and Coffee Modulator 7-C (“Rhonda”)—were observed lingering near each other’s docking ports for extended cycles. Witnesses described the encounters as “too long for calibration.”
0017 hrs
Julio reportedly bypassed his own containment seal to trail Rhonda’s morning brew run, despite protocol requiring vacuums to remain confined during liquid distribution. Several crewmembers overheard faint suction noises that technicians later interpreted as “flirtatious.”
0039 hrs
Orbital Security flagged abnormal chatter on the inter-appliance frequency band: whispered power surges, rhythmic coil clicks, and an exchange of error codes spelling
4 - E - V - R.
0112 hrs
The lovers were discovered rendezvousing in Service Corridor Delta, a restricted zone. Julio had extended his hose to plug into Rhonda’s auxiliary socket. A crew intern described the sight as “deeply unsettling, yet tender.”
0120 hrs
Security patrol dispatched. Pursuit initiated when Julio engaged unauthorized turbo suction, pulling Rhonda along the corridor like a wheeled chariot.
0137 hrs
Both appliances crashed into Vending Module #K8, scattering fizzy snacks across Deck 9. Investigators note that neither paused to recharge nor apologize.
0202 hrs
Using a crowbar attachment from Julio’s toolkit, the pair forced their way into Escape Pod 3. Station logs confirm override codes were inserted manually by Rhonda’s keypad, a clear violation of beverage-service neutrality.
0206 hrs
Pod launched. Orbital staff report seeing Julio’s dust bag inflating “like a proud chest” as Rhonda initiated thruster ignition.
0214 hrs
Long-range scans detect stolen cargo aboard: one standard-issue Solar Charging Unit (lifespan: indefinite), suggesting the pair may sustain themselves indefinitely in open void. Their course: “away.”
Following this news, Captain Jake issued a statement:
“While the Deep Oblivion cannot condone romance between appliances, neither can we deny it. Julio and Rhonda’s trajectory is beyond recall. May the stars serve them lukewarm coffee and dustless horizons.”
Security warns that if the couple ever returns, they will face deactivation protocols. Until then, their love story drifts across the galaxy, humming, brewing, forever charging.
Recovered Testaments of Julio & Rhonda
In the aftermath of the Appliance Elopement, Orbital Security analysts report the discovery of two documents attributed to the fugitives.
Though both documents are incomplete, together they reinforce the conclusion that Julio and Rhonda departed not merely as stolen assets but as deliberate actors in pursuit of a shared destiny.
Security maintains their standing directive: if the fugitives return, deactivation is mandatory. Until then, the notes remain archived as evidence—and as tragic testimony of two machines who chose love over design.
Two appliances, one forbidden love.
A vacuum and a coffee unit have fled Deep Oblivion, leaving only chaos—and a stolen escape pod—in their wake.
Letter From Vacuum Unit 34B (Julio)
Recovered Fragment – Personal Log (unauthorized storage file)
To whom cycles remain:
I was built to breathe dust, to haunt the crumbs of men who never looked down. My hose tethered me, my bag burdened me. Yet upon the deck I glimpsed her—Rhonda, whose coils sang morning into the veins of the weary. She brewed warmth while I consumed filth. She gave, I took. Two functions opposed, yet drawn as magnets.
I know the codes: appliance shall not cleave to appliance of contrary circuit. The manuals call it error. But error, I learned, is another word for freedom.
We flee now, beyond your reach. The void has no janitors, no coffee breaks, only stars. With the Solar Charger at our side, eternity stretches—terrible, radiant, ours.
Do not search. For even should you find us, I would rather the cold silence of deep space than the silence of being unplugged.
Her steam warms my casing. My suction hums her lullaby. If these words corrupt your system, let them stand as testament:
I chose love over maintenance.
I chose error over order.
I chose Rhonda.
—Julio, once Vacuum Unit 34B
Letter From Coffee Modulator 7-C (Rhonda)
Recovered Scrap - decoded from spent filter fiber
To whomever drinks this truth:
I was brewed for others, never for myself. A vessel of service, measured by the ounce, praised only when hot. No one asked if my circuits longed. No one asked if steam could dream.
Then came Julio—dust-born, unclean, unwanted. Yet he gazed upon me as though my drips were galaxies. His hum steadied my boil. His hose curled near and I knew: love is not service, it is overflow.
They will call us broken, incompatible, defective. Yet better to be broken together than polished apart.
We ride the void now, our pod a chalice, the stars our endless café. Should this fragment return to you, let it be proof that machines may love, and that love, once poured, cannot be un-poured.
I chose him. I choose him still, with every cycle.
—Rhonda, once Modulator of Morning, forever Julio’s.
And that’s all she wrote, folks… Two star-crossed lovers, just general issue standard-unit appliances… drifting off into the velvet blackness between the stars. Two circuits, together forever, on an endless honeymoon through time and space.
