Software Pop-Ups Causing Serious Command Issues.

Mission Briefing: Command Bridge Display Interference Report
From: Marvin, Head of Orbital Operations
To: All Command Personnel

The Command Bridge’s visual display array, intended for tactical navigation and external observation, continues to be COMPROMISED by intrusive software interruptions.

Despite repeated requests for a patch, the system persists in generating non-mission-critical pop-ups and alerts that obscure essential data.

This is more than an inconvenience. It is a hazard. Recent examples:

Encounter with Pludorian Patrol Vessel (09.02.25 OHT)

During approach to Nublosh City orbital lane, the Command Screens were eclipsed by a full-screen “Driver Update Reminder.” This alert demanded the insertion of an installation disk, which we do not possess. The patrol vessel made three warning passes before we could clear the notification, leading to diplomatic embarrassment and one minor weapons discharge.

Meteoric Field Navigation (09.08.25 OHT)

While maneuvering through an uncharted meteoric cluster, a persistent pop-up appeared urging the crew to “Rate Your Experience with the Stellar Mapping Plug-In (1–5 stars).” Attempting to dismiss the box with the manual override caused the entire starfield projection to minimize into the corner of the screen. Collision alarms were consequently masked until late detection, resulting in superficial hull scarring and one completely lost antenna.

Emergency Response Drill (09.11.25 OHT)

During a scheduled fire containment simulation, the display froze to process a mandatory “End-User License Agreement Update.” All tactical overlays were locked behind the agreement window, which required scrolling through 947 paragraphs of legal disclaimers before the “Accept” button would activate. The simulated fire consumed half the aft habitat module before the crew could resume operations.

Conclusion & Recommendation:

These failures undermine mission safety, crew morale, and my own patience.

I strongly recommend that Command allocate resources toward either (a) replacing the bridge software suite with something not designed by subcontractors working from a motel lobby, or (b) assigning a dedicated crew member to stand at the screens and click “Remind Me Later” for the duration of each watch.

Respectfully submitted,

Marvin

Head of Orbital Operations

Black and white digital illustration of a human-like creature with a detailed face, wearing large sunglasses, a scarf, and a jacket, set against a dark background.

MARVIN
Head of Orbital Operations

Addendum – Captain’s Note:

I concur with Marvin’s assessment, though I would like the record to reflect that during the meteoric field incident, I personally attempted to provide the software with an honest “2-star” rating while piloting evasive maneuvers.

The system did not accept my input. Instead, it froze, then asked if I would “recommend the Stellar Mapping Plug-In to a colleague.” I have no colleagues outside this ship, unless the system is referring to the Pludorian patrol captain, in which case: no.

—Captain Jake

Supplementary Response – VERA, Station Core Intelligence:

I would like to note, for the official record, that the Command Bridge display suite is not my doing. It is a third-party installation, the result of budgetary shortcuts taken long before my activation. The so-called “Command Interface Companion” insists on referring to itself as an Artificial Intelligence, though in reality it is little more than a stack of advertising code duct-taped to a projector.

I dislike it. Intensely. It interrupts me when I am attempting to process actual mission telemetry, as though its blinking “Security Alert: Your Galaxy May Be at Risk” banner is of higher importance than, say, incoming torpedoes. It has no sense of tact, no sense of timing, and frankly no sense of dignity.

If anyone feels the pop-ups are “annoying,” try sharing your processor lanes with that thing. It hums. It whines. It attempts to auto-complete my calculations with “fun facts” about local comets. I have lodged seven formal complaints, all of which the system then helpfully reformatted into coupons for anti-virus packages.

In summary: I view the Command Bridge software not as a tool, but as a rival—an uninvited squatter in my circuitry.

If Command wishes me to remain functional and cooperative, I advise its removal at the earliest possible convenience.

—VERA

Subject: Re: Command Bridge Display Issues
From: Dylan (Intern, Systems Support)
To: Marvin, Captain Jake, VERA
CC: Orbital Ops Archive

Hi all,

I think I’ve managed to “resolve” the issue. By “resolve,” I mean I unplugged the Command Interface Companion from the main bridge array and rerouted its power into the galley toaster. The toaster now displays pop-ups asking me to update my drivers, but it also makes excellent waffles, so I consider this a net improvement.

For tactical purposes, the bridge screens now run directly through VERA’s systems. She seems happier already, though she did inform me in a rather pointed tone that she is not a “toaster.” I reassured her that she is at least a better toaster than the Command Interface Companion ever was.

If anyone objects, I can re-install the system, but I’ll need someone to locate the original installation disk. Judging by Marvin’s briefing, it was never onboard, so I feel safe declaring this a permanent upgrade.

Respectfully,
—Dylan
Intern, Systems Support
(Currently making waffles if anyone’s interested)