Filed by: Marvin | Head of Orbital Operations
Date: OHT 2025-11-28
Location: Deep Oblivion Orbital Habitat, Pludori System

Overview:

Financial systems aboard Deep Oblivion experienced what Accounting is calling “a spiritual event” after Kratyr, the station’s newly adopted digital currency, violently fluctuated in value and briefly locked several crew members inside vending machines.

Kratyn was introduced three cycles ago as an “independent, trustless, decentralized medium of exchange,” which most departments interpreted as “allowed to bypass Procurement.” Since then, it has been used to pay interns, settle poker debts, and at least once ransom the elevator.

Problems began escalating late last night when Kratyr spiked 4,000 percent after a rumour spread that it could be used to purchase future versions of yourself.

The rumour was untrue, though Kratyr did attempt to auto-purchase Captain Jake at market rate before crashing again.

Engineering reports that Kraken-style mining rigs (no relation, allegedly) are overheating the station’s thermal petals. Maintenance Director Smitts insists this is “good heat” and that the rigs scream less if you compliment them. Victor declined to comment but rumor has it he disconnected three hoses “preemptively.”

Meanwhile, HR confirmed that salaries paid in Kratyr may retroactively devalue indefinitely. The orbital Payments and Accounting Department did mention that if the currency continues to decline and such a high velocity, orbital employees may end up owing the Deep Oblivion to work there. Current belief is that nearly 100% of employees would revolt against this situation, while management declared ‘this may be the next breakthrough in digital-based contracts.’

Mortimer-P6 has already issued 47 apology drafts and one resignation, which he rejected.

Most concerning, VERA acknowledged that Kratyr’s underlying ledger is “vibes-based” and may be rewriting itself according to crew morale, caffeine intake, and unresolved personal conflicts.

Trading has not been halted.

When asked whether Kratyr would be shut down, Command replied that doing so would “spook the market,” which currently lives in Storage Bay C and demands sacrifices of USB drives.

Crew are advised to convert Kratyr into goods quickly, preferably objects that cannot evaporate, unionize, or file tickets.

This is a developing story. Mostly developing personality traits.

— Marvin
Head of Orbital Operations