Careers Aboard The Deep Oblivion

Apply to Work Somewhere
Slightly Beyond Reason

Deep Oblivion is a Class-6 Orbital Habitat operating under the Department of Peripheral Inquiry and the Galactic Archival Coalition. We are currently orbiting Planet Pludori and are actively exploring science, mystery, and our own internal contradictions. Whether you're a vacuum-resistant technician, an emotionally resilient barista, or just someone who can count bolts really well, we might have a role for you.

Open Positions

Now Accepting Qualified, Semi-Qualified, and Chronically Overqualified Applicants

Orbital Bureaucracy Translator - OPEN
Decodes interdepartmental memos, acronyms, and ancient HR glyphs. Must enjoy labyrinthine protocol and passive-aggressive formatting.

Senior Nebula Auditor - OPEN
Responsible for reviewing and validating cosmic cloud formations. Experience with galactic tax evasion preferred. Must not be allergic to ionized gases.

Oxygen Flavor Intern - OPEN
Helps rotate the station’s air profiles (mint, clove, regret). Reports anomalies such as “too crunchy” or “smells like feelings.”

Gravitational Alignment Clerk (Night Shift) - OPEN
Monitors deck tilt, chair suction, and float lag. Must be seated at all times. Movement is discouraged, consciousness optional.

Temporal Janitorial Custodian - OPEN
Cleans up after future messes before they occur. Familiarity with paradox insurance and broom-based tachyon manipulation required.

Quantum Snack Technician - OPEN
Maintains entropy levels in vending units. Performs wave-function collapses on unpurchased items. Must not snack mid-collapse.

Assistant to the Auxiliary Captain’s Assistant - OPEN
Provides moral support, tea, and plausible deniability. Reports to a rotating chain of command. Must be okay with being forgotten during emergencies.

Vacuum Safety Screamer - OPEN
Station screamer during decompression drills and real decompressions. Must have a strong diaphragm and be willing to repeat yourself—loudly.

Why Work With Us?

It’s Not Just a Job—It’s a Mildly Conscious Orbital Entity with a W-2 System

Complimentary Oxygen
Breathe easy—your first 900,000 inhales are free (some surcharges apply during station-wide sighs).

Time Dilation PTO
Clock out for 20 minutes, return three weeks later. Excellent for skipping birthdays, wars, or awkward coworker events.

Shared Reality Subsidy
Reduce your monthly cost of agreeing on what’s happening. Includes discounts on consensus, coherence, and certain dreams.

6.5-Day Work Week
Enjoy a flexible schedule based on Orbital Standard Time, magnetic moods, and whether VERA likes you.

Complimentary Levitational Massage Pod
Soothe your muscles in a pressureless vortex of humming jelly and mild static. Warning: some users report involuntary reflection.

Access to the Employee Cryo-Nap Chamber
Short power nap? Try a thousand years. We’ll wake you when the funding stabilizes.

Customizable Uniform Scent Profile
Choose from classic aromas like “Professional Ozone,” “Neutral Dampness,” and “Minted Regret.”

Weekly Regret Swap
Trade your most haunting memory for another crew member’s. Great for networking.

Ghost Insurance
Covers workplace hauntings, phantom productivity losses, and poltergeist-led sabotage. (Spiritual co-pays may apply.)

Interdimensional Transit Reimbursement
Partial reimbursement available for wormhole tolls and dark matter ferry fees. Requires proof of return.

Snacks With Opinions
Enjoy ethically semi-sentient snacks that rate you back. ("You chew confidently. 7/10.")

VERA’s Optional Praise System
Earn randomized affirmations from the station AI such as "That was marginally acceptable.” or "You've been noted."

14% Dental
Includes partial coverage for one upper molar and spiritual cleanings. Other teeth negotiable.

Orbital Stock Options (Literal)
Receive actual pieces of the exterior hull, which may or may not drift away during pay cycles.

Complimentary Copy of the Station Scream
Our in-house newsletter, printed telepathically and delivered directly into your unresolved anxieties.

How to Apply
To apply, please submit the following via vacuum-tube, whisper corridor, or our non-sentient contact form:

  • A brief statement of intent or confusion

  • Evidence of physical form (optional but appreciated)

  • Any previous employment, real or imagined

  • Preferred scream volume in emergency scenarios

You’ll hear from us when the station aligns. Or when something breaks. Or if you’re the only one who applies.